The years seem to fly by dont they. I wanted to be so organised and acheive so much this year, and in many ways i have:) I have so many more things to do yet:)
I love this time of year as it is a time for reflection and a time for looking forward and encouraging you to be the very best you can be.
I must admit i am struggling very much at the moment. Zoe has her driving license and never seems to be home. I am finding it hard to cope with. Especially at this time of year on the roads. Also the fact that it is Christmas Day and both the kids deserted us before noon. I feel a bit sad, even though i know i have to let go.
My dad popped over to visit after he had been to my step sisters house.
I have had a few doubts about myself as a person, daughter sister and friend these last few days.
I have been told i am a wonderful friend, i am selfless, and amazing. I don't see it.
I have been told i am too hard on myself and i am told i also don;t give myself enough credit....i'm not sure i know how to.
I think i may need to work on my self confidence this year:)
What got me thinking about the whole relationship thing is that i don;t spend time with family much. My husband and two kids are my family. Im now beginning to realize that i need to make the time to include other members of my extended family into my world. I use the excuse that i am too busy, or too tired.
Not always physically tired but mentally tired and i feel i couldn't deal with any stuff they want to lay on me. I feel selfish now, as i know my brother ans sis in law are struggling mentally and I'm not reaching out a hand to them.
I also feel that i can't trust some of my secrets to family ( yet have no trouble sharing with friends) i think that if i dont trust, maybe they have been burnt too and they may not want to trust me with their problems and troubles, however i would never betray a confidence and i dont like it when i am privy to some from other family members.
I know this probably doesnt make sense but i just want to get this down so i can read it back and maybe it will help me see things a little clearer.
I have actually go so off topic, i was wanting to say that i wonder if my dad even misses me, or us. We never have Christmas with him. Hardly ever see him. He sees my step sisters kids EVERY wednesday without fail and although they need to pass my house to get there, we NEVER see them:( Yes i should make more of an effort but where is the effort on their part.
However i do understand it it HER daughter, and men dont think about these things:) I have decided with the help of a friends advice that i am going to meet my daddy for coffee every few weeks so we can connect.
He and mum divorced when i was 4 then i never saw him until i was 15. We have a strained relationship as we have nothing in common......well until i found out that he too has/had anxiety and/or depression. What a revelation! I am interested to know more about how he ticks. I can see my brother and son in him so much.....
Just a little ramble to help me clear my head
Charxx
